Life is A Journey.... Not a Destiny

sometimes break up may not be that bad...

2007-12-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

agree or not? i'm not so sure myself...i've been with this guy whom i've been very loyal to and loving him so much for 4 years...and now...it's my turn to judge whenever is a break up really saddening or it's not that bad after all...but i cant judge it right now...it just happened....

what's in his mind now?how is he feeling now? i really want to know. is he completely fine with the final decision we have come to? or he still misses me? as for me, i still miss him a lot and i still want him back but things just don't work out between us.

3 years and 2 days ago, around this time (12.20 am) , i passed to him a pink horse, in his car,outside of my house. I remember i just arrived home after my sabah trip.
and the blue horse, was kept with me. it was so sweet that time.

talking about the pair of horses, it reminds me of how he surprised me with them. It all happened in 1 Utama, it wasn't our first date of course. We were having our lunch at Waffles World and towards the of it, he suddenly mentioned he wanna go to the toilet. Of course i said all right! but as time past, i was so worried that he was not gonna come back...he would leave me there alone cuz he took so long!i was also worried that something happened to him. hehe....but phew, he came back. Guess what, he took so long cuz he went to buy the pair of horses and put them in the front seater of his car. When i opened the door, i was surprised of course! hehe....cuz he knew i would love them. =)

oh and the year before that, i made him cookies on his bday. hehe...we were so shy that time... it was my first time baking....the second time was during his spm....but...wouldnt wanna recall what happened that time....

We were so sweet and lovely that time. Fuc* ...can't control my tears again.
okay, i'm fine now...chill... =)

silly right?

let's see...flowers...right...the first time i received flowers from him was on V day 2005. i still kept the petals...in a bottle...believe it or not...they were so sweet...! =) still look beautiful to me...i wish the relationship is like them....after years...still looking beutiful there. It was so embarrassing when he sent the flowers to my house....not embarrassing...shy...hehe...cuz my whole family was there! scared la that time...hehe...but it was really a sweet thought =) thanks, if u read this one day.
then my bday on that year...hehe....a big box of presents =) and i lovely card made by him...hey i havent used my shopping spree voucher!! lol

mind if i skip that year? it was his first year at college....i dun wanna recall that year...

then his first year in melbourne....another sweet but wasted year....before he came back for his first holidays...it was sweet...but after that....it was not....my wrong, i would say...for not appreciating him for what he has done....i'm sorry...
well...i got my baby phone...then we went to buy our rings...we went to genting...met his parents...his frenz....my necklace...watch...snowman and snowlady in a snow globe...bracelet with our names engraved on it...hehe....flower =P (reminds me of the day at ikea...hehe) ...all kept in a box =) he was so nice to me... so sweet....not only bout what he got me...but....things he had done for me... =) hehe....

this year....i dun remember much...cuz normally i erase painful ugly memories....unless it hit on me deeply....

sometimes life seems like a destiny

2007-05-09T23:29:00.000+08:00

yeah..probably you will be saying : " look who's talking here, huh?"

i'm always telling people to perceive life as a journey and not a destiny because my bro made me to perceive so...but hey...sometimes, life does seem like a destiny....

i believe this is occurring to many people as well...we seem to have 'no choice' in our vocabulary....and we often use it...too frequent to become one of our habits to use it as an excuse....

Do we really have no option in life?

The fact is that, we do.

Dear friends, I'm feeling very lost right now...to make a choice, just like stoning at the divider of the roads, don't know which to choose...where to head for....when every one around me is dashing towards his/her direction of life....knowing what they are seeking for...never stop at any junction or divider....all are so clear and determined....but i'm so woolly and vague about my life...
Every thing in my life seems so uncertain...so unsure (true, nothing is really guaranteed but sometimes...efforts guarantee some people's future...just as much in mine)
It's as though there's a veil clouding my vision....being the the blockage to allow me to see what my life is...what is there ahead of me....
I'm tired of being prepared always...(too young to say tired? ) prepared to overcome any obstacles that coming in my way yet it's too blur to see them as i walk...i wished i could remove the veil and allows me a better sight of what's beckoning me behind the horizon or maybe there's no world welcoming me other than my own cloudy misty world.

!@@#$%#@&&**&@##@$!!???//";:'!@#%%

What's that? that is a symbol of my life....i don't think i'll ever be able to appreciate those symbols...those unable-to-be-understood symbols...

Follow the flow as i always advise myself...but i always wish to determine my own life....not bound by anything....

the past 20 over days'life

2007-04-19T20:17:00.000+08:00

when was the last time i blog?? more than 20 days!!! omg....but it looks as though it's only 2 days!! Thanks to those tests and work load i had wei....but...it's not ended yet...NEVER LA....exams next week....gag gag puke puke!!! i'm so sick of it la.....it's like forever being examined!!!!

all right..forget about that part....last sat....a week ago....i was supposed to go to kajang for satay....but never mind....the plan cancelled....so supposed to have a 'chilling' moment with the so called 'heng tai - Mr Kuah (Chze Yang) and Nic....
Of all days...i tell you...when i really get a chance to go out....i fell sick!! OF ALL DAYS...
i had 2 tests on last sat...and i didnt manage to finish the first paper....and obviously....i had to miss the second paper....got very dizzy and giddy and nauseous and a little imbalance....well it all mean almost the same isnt it? haha.....ok so i missed the time with my 'heng tai'....

TAK APA

on sunday....i felt better in the morning!! good thing...yupe yupe..so i thought...hey....maybe a drink with shae will make my day better!!!
but but.....i didnt feel that good again when he was free....so...it's just too bad...

then come to this week....oh you won't wanna know...so i won't blog either....

and today? WEEE!!!! finally...i can have a little of the burden off my shoulders!! because tmr's class cancelled!!!! oh oh....to all my dearest friends....i've had a hair cut...and new glasses!!! but no photo to show

so conclusion....life sucks for the days past....

so to my penguin and all my dearest....please reappear in my life to make it more colourful...i'm sick of the grey and dull life....ok...i sound really pathetic here...i mean...i miss you guys!!! why are u guys so busy??!?!

The Phrase- I Love You

2007-03-27T19:18:00.000+08:00

The phrase- I Love You, have you ever realised how deceiving can it be at times? or, most of the times? This phrase is often used by people. The first perception people will have from this phrase is a way of expressing his/her feeling to someone but have you thought of other reasons which people may use this phrase for? Obviously, i'm referring it to the wrong purposes.

Saying I love you, it could really mean that I love you but people nowadays just seem to be using it wrongly. WHY?!??!
Some may think that using it is cool or is a way of showing a more lovely or friendly person he/she is. An example, look at the 'guai loh' , don't you think that they use this phrase very often? They use it even to a friend whom they know just for a few days!! Hence, people tend to follow their culture...simply because they think...it's a friendly phrase.
Well, some may think that it's a some sort magnetic-attraction words to the opposite sex. Agree?
Some says it because...they perceive they are in love....
Some says it because they wanna hold someone's heart....
Some says it because they just wanna be in love, like any of other people....

HOW MUCH do you understand the phrase-I Love You? How much can you describe your feeling is so true to have the right to say it? By the way, before you say it, do you think you have the right to do so? Frankly speaking, I personally don't think that there is a way of describe the feeling love. However, it doesn't mean that every one has the right to say it. If you think you are responsible for the words you say, for whatever consequences it may lead to, and strongly believe that you will have no regret after saying it, then, I won't say that you don't have the right to use it. So, do you think you have?

Next question you may ask me, why the hell would I need a right to say a three-letter phrase??!!
Well, my dear friends, you don't know how sensitive are certain people towards this phrase. Do you know how a romantic and sweet phrase can ended up be the most risky and dangerous words?
You may just hurt a person so deeply without any physical dangerous weapons....but just with those three words. You have all the rights to love someone, but you absolutely have no right to hurt some one.

Most people,like i said, have this perception, when a party says I Love You, it means he/she has a unique,undescriable, heavenly feeling which they believe is God's gift towards them.
But please....don't be a fool because you may end up being hurt by this enormously strong and sensitive phrase. Just don't be so foolish to be deceived by these words so easily!! Have second thought about how true the words are!! How true are these people who use them? Are you sure you can trust their words?

There are many kinds of people in this world... some may be the same being as in the same person...but acting as two people or more roles....some of these roles...are not who they are but just masks which they often use to cover and hide their identity. Stop wearing the masks you are putting on now. Remove them and be who you are!!!

Listen to this song and do realise how strong the words- I Love You can be.

JOY ENRIQUEZ
Losing The Love

There are days when I regret it
The things I said to you
I put my trust in no one
It broke my heart and I blamed it on you
You were kind and oh so gentle
But I refused to see
That someone like you existed
I was somewhere in denial
While you were loving me

CHORUS:
I cried myself to sleep last night
When I woke up
There were tear stains on my pillow
It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up
Without you in my life
I will always feel lonely
Losing the love
From someone like you

Not a day goes by without something
Reminding me of you
The truth is that I miss you
It gets so hard not being with you
There are times when I go crazy
In the twilight of the night
How I long to be your woman again
There's pain that I hold
That will not let me go

CHORUS:
I cried myself to sleep last night
When I woke up
There were tear stains on my pillow
It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up
Without you in my life
I will always feel lonely
Losing the love
From someone like you

BRIDGE:
I don't wanna make this too hard
But I just wanna be where you are
In your life, by your side, forever

CHORUS:
I cried myself to sleep last night
When I woke up
There were tear stains on my pillow
It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up
Without you in my life
I will always feel lonely
Losing the love
From someone like you

10 Rules For A Happy Marriage

2007-03-26T20:08:00.000+08:00

You don't have to be in a marriage to adhere to these rules...but come on...if you wanna maintain a good relationship ....in particular those who are experiencing a long distance relationship... YOU HAVE TO!! Well... if any of the party is not...i guess you are just not ready for a relationship OR not willing to commit into a relationship...or else...you are just gonna hurt your partner....

Like i always say...it takes two hands to clap...

Joy Enriquez - How Can I Not Love You

2007-03-26T14:10:00.000+08:00

cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot love each other
Must be strong and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

Chorus:
How can i not love you
What do i tell my heart
When do i not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do i not miss you when you are gone

Cannot dream, cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, must pretend it's over
Must be brave and we must go on, must not say
What we've known all along

Chorus:
How can i not love you
What do i tell my heart
When do i not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do i not miss you when you are gone

How can i not love you

Bridge:
Must be brave and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've known all along

Chorus:
How can i not love you
What do i tell my heart
When do i not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do i not miss you when you are gone

How can i not love you
When you are gone

Follow the Flow...things will come smoothly and naturely

2007-03-25T02:27:00.000+08:00

Geez man....What's wrong with Laundry Bar on Saturday night??!
Perhap
just tonight? The songs sucked!!!!

But...check out this cool trophy outside of Laundry

Though I may not know what the hell is UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE, but who cares?? as long as i got my baby UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE jersey!!!!!

- all right...you must be thinking that i'm some freaks who's advertising for heineken now... - who cares what you think...as long as i love my baby jersey!!!! woohoooo!!

Last night was pretty boring actually...but...things flow out to be not that bad...actually think about it....If you keep thinking/saying/complaining that everything is boring...It WILL be that way...but if you wanna have fun...then...you just gotta create it yourself....but again...it takes two hands....so if there's no group(well 2 persons can be a group too) obviously it's pretty hard to have fun = emo.

PHOTOS at Laundry Bar

jacq...choong...shae

:: The DarlingS:

: The Lovely Couple :

Emo Choong Wai (simply because he was sooo quiet the whole night) + khie

omg...look at shannon eyes!!!!

You see....Candid shots may not be ugly all the time...!

Why is he holding my bag? -stoning-

What are they talking about?

emo-ing

staring at hot chics?

Lionel & Chiak Kai

shaun

And mrs lobster & mr red-octopus holding a paper-made UEFA CHAMPIONS LEAGUE Trophy

woodcock test =.=

2007-03-24T16:16:00.000+08:00

OMG...!!! my management test was soooo tough!! ok...not that tough...but just....i couldn't recall what i've studied...probably...i didn't study enough?? maybe? sigh....you tell me la...what is woodcock's principles in team building??? all i could remember about woodcock is..Mr Jay, my lecturer, husband of my another lecturer, telling the class that there was this funny-name guy whom we would gonna learn that day-woodcock (simply because his name is cock) =.= All right...that's all i know about Mr. famous cock.... =.=

And i just realise something bout my dear friend, Han Xin...he actually got pretty good ass.... i mean ass...and not 'as' or 'S' wtv he refer his good assistance as.... hahahha...and he can really shake his boom boom ....!!! haha...the thing is...i didn't bring my cam that day...if not...would have post it here! haha....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZ6rHxHHeQs

My favourite video...song....movie....check the link above!!!!
music and lyrics...a movie...not to miss!! ;)
Just a reminder....don't be deceived by the introduction of the movie....the ending of the movie.... you gonna love it and believe me....the song's gonna stuck in your head for hours...days...months!!!!

Here's the lyric of the song.. =)

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead

I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I’ve been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need em again someday

I’ve been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can’t make it through without a way back into love

Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine

I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs

I know that it’s out there

There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere

I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light

Not just somebody just to get me throught the night

I could use some direction

And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can’t make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart again

I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real

Or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can’t make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you

I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do

And if you help me to start again

You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

lost...lost...lost

2007-03-19T00:01:00.000+08:00

i dun understand what's going on...and i dunno what's going on....i dunno what's happening around you...i'm lost...not completely clueless nor clear.

I dunno what to do...for certain things i wish to share with you...but...it always seems like you will get piss off easily....for certain things i just wanna express my feeling....but i'll normally receive a negative responce from you....for certain thing...i hope that u take notice of...yeah..some times you do...and i appreciate that... =) really....

i notice a little changes about you....but still some not changed....perhaps you need more time...perhaps you were who you are and changing who you were...
sometimes...humans nature lead us to disasters....In the name of ego, embarrassment, flow of feelings, humans sway and act to present a negative responce to boost their egoism, to avoid embarrassment and to go according to the flow of feeling. Humans....they often do so....Hence, it increase the complexity of lives...lives of a few parties around you

Perhaps...this is what we call...life.I'm lost bout us...I'm convinced by nature of the positive side....but thoughts bring me to reality...facts...truth....no..they did not...because all they brought me to was complications...vague ideas...

What is my boyfriend's life...some one may ask....I dunno what's his plan...i dunno what's he going for...i dunno if he himself also dunno...i dunno if he knows but just dun feel like telling...i dunno if he knows but just not comfirm..hence, not telling me...i dunno bout so much....all i know is...he wants to follow the flow....

I'm not shared with about things....maybe nothing to share ? maybe got, but he thinks it's redundant to share? maybe got, but he doesnt feel like sharing....
i find it difficult to be with you at times...i do...but i love you so much...that i nvr wanna ask for a break up again....but i do...in this position...i do...for many reason...

-guideless about current life-